


Healing

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Falling Skies
Genre: Episode: s05e10, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-31
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 07:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4696661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom can't even look at Ben these days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Healing

For the first few weeks after peace comes, Tom can’t look at Ben.  There’s no fighting, no war, and it feels… weird.  He had gotten so used to constantly being under threat that he doesn’t know what to do with himself without it anymore.

And he’s haunted by the things he did, especially to Ben.

They’ve always been able to talk to each other, him and Ben, but Tom doesn’t even know what to say, how to apologize for what he’s done.  It keeps him up at night, long hours where Tom tries to write down everything about history he knows.  All that knowledge was lost, and Tom can help his species remember it.  If he’s remember his species’ history, he doesn’t have to remember his personal history.

Then he walks into the kitchen one night to find Ben on the floor, sobbing.  The sight of Ben on the floor like this makes his heart clench.

“Ben…?” Tom says softly.

Ben’s head jerks up and he bolts to his feet, opening the fridge and grabbing a pitcher of juice.  “Sorry.  Just getting something to drink.”

“It’s okay,” Tom says, feeling kind of numb. 

Ben grabs a glass and pours the juice carefully.  He puts the juice away, and as Tom watches, he notices how gingerly he holds himself.  It’s like it’s painful for Ben to be here in the kitchen with him. 

“Night, Dad,” Ben mumbles, not looking at him.

“Ben,” Tom says because he needs to close the distance between them.  It doesn’t feel like a real victory without the connection he has with Ben.  “I wanna apologize to you.  I used you during the war because of your spikes, and that’s not okay.  I’m sorry.”

Ben shrugs a little.  “I understand.  It was what needed to be done.”

“There’s no excuse for how I treated you.  I didn’t act like a father to you,” Tom says.  He doesn’t want to step into Ben’s personal space, but he wants to hug him closely so badly.  “You’re my son and I should have been looking out for you.  Instead, I hurt you over and over.  That was so wrong of me.”

“You were looking out for the planet, Dad.  That’s a pretty big responsibility,” Ben says, voice emotionless.  “You saved the planet.  It was worth it.”

“You saved the planet, Ben,” Tom says.  “You and Anne and Cochise and Marty and everyone else who helped the war effort.  I may have delivered the final blow, but I couldn’t have done it without all of you.  Remember that.”

Ben takes a long sip of his juice.  “You did what you had to, and I never could have forgiven myself if someone had died and I could have helped it.  But you didn’t have to ignore me afterwards.  It’s been hard, Dad.  I don’t feel like myself without the spikes, and my dad won’t even talk to me.”

Tom presses his lips together, trying to fight back tears.  His middle son has been hurting so badly, and Tom’s been wrapped up in his own guilt instead of helping him.  “I’m so sorry that I haven’t been here for you, Ben.”

“Everything feels so dull now, and I can’t _do_ anything anymore,” Ben says, sounding near hysterics.  “I can’t run fast and I can’t jump anymore.  I’m not _useful_.  Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I had kept the spikes and just taken the early death sentence.”

“Ben!” Tom says, unable to keep himself from stepping forward and squeezing his arm.  “I know that this has been hard for you, and I know that I’ve only made it harder, but you’re going to live a long, happy life, Ben.”

Ben looks up at him.  “You can’t know that.  You don’t know anything about what’s been going on with me, Dad.”

“I don’t,” Tom says.  “And that’s my fault, but you’re a selfless and kind person.  Life has been cruel to you, but better days are ahead for us all.  It’s good that you’re going to be here to see them.”

“I guess you’re right,” Ben says.

“I know you’re probably mad at me, and I understand why, but please believe me when I tell you that it’s good that you’re here to see how we’re gonna rebuild the world.  And it’s good for the world that it’ll have you to help reshape it,” Tom says.

Ben puts the glass of juice down and hugs Tom tight.  The sudden action startles Tom, but he pulls his middle son close to him as he starts to shake. 

“I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through.  For everything I put you through, knowingly or not,” Tom murmurs into his hair.  “But you are strong, and I’m here for you now.  I promise.”

“I thought I’d feel human again once I got the spikes out,” Ben says, voice muffled against Tom’s chest.  “I knew I’d give up a lot, but I thought at least I’d feel human again.”

“You’re human, Ben,” Tom says.

“It doesn’t feel like it,” Ben says.  “I feel wrong on every level.”

Tom brushes his fingers gently over the skin where Ben’s spikes used to be.  The skin is still rough and alien feeling, and Ben shudders under his touch. 

“It’s never gonna go away,” Ben mumbles. 

“We’ll always carry scars of what happened to us,” Tom says.  “We’ll still heal.”

“I just want to feel normal.  I just want to feel human,” Ben says.  “I don’t know what to do with myself anymore.”

Tom pulls back a bit so he can look Ben in the eye.  “Do you remember when you were little?  And you used to come along to some of my classes on your days off from school?”

“Yeah,” Ben says, smiling a little.  “I didn’t always understand what you were talking about, but I always had so much fun.”

“I’m going to start teaching again at the university they’re starting up.  I could use an assistant,” Tom says, “or if you don’t want to work with me, I’m sure I could pull a few strings to find someone else who would take a bright young man on.  Any subject you want.”

“Really?” Ben asks.  “You’d do that for me?  Pull strings so I can work with someone else?”

“I’d do anything for you.  You’re my son,” Tom asks, unable to read Ben’s expression.  He wants Ben to agree to work with him, but he wants Ben to be happy more than anything else.  “You and your brothers are more important than anything.”

“I’d like to work with you, Dad,” Ben says.  “I wanna help you rebuild what we know about history.”

“And that’s really what _you_ want?” Tom asks.

“Yeah,” Ben says, nodding.  “It’s a noble goal.  And I wanna feel close to you again, Dad.  Like we used to be.”

“I want that, too,” Tom says, blinking hard.  “Thank you so much for giving me another chance.”

Ben hugs him close again.  “I love you, Dad.”

“I love you, too,” Tom says. 

“I hope you have a lot of books for me to read,” Ben says, grinning up at him.

“Oh, I’ve found books like you wouldn’t believe.  It’s incredible what survives,” Tom says.

“Yeah, it is,” Ben says, leaning against him.

 


End file.
